Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
