you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
