Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
