I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
