dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
