Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
