I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
