also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
