So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
