I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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