I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
