I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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