I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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