Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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