Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
