I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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