She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
