my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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