She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
