Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
