Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
