i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
