Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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