Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
