Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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