Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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