Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
