How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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