She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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