Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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