dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
