I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
