Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Text me some of your sweat
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
