There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
