The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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