I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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