I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
