From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
