3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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