I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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