The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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