My room smells like vodka and shame
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
