like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
