Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
