dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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