I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
