i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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