dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
