Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
