i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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