i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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