Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
