now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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