That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
