It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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