God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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